A Prayer Before Sleeping

Let us begin today with a prayer. Let us bow our heads and ask Brother Emo Phillips to lead us in an ecumenical entreaty to the almighty:

"Oh, God, please change the laws of the universe for my convenience."

Thank you, Brother Emo. Whether you're christian, jewish, moslem- that prayer speaks to all of our hearts. I was thinking the same thing late last night as I struggled to say awake for another solid Red Sox victory. This time they won 13-5 over the A's in a game that was much closer than that score would indicate. I must admit that I went to bed- I finally succumbed to the need to actually be capable of work this morning- at around midnight when the score was 6-1 and things seemed pretty well in hand.

I managed to get up before six a.m. today to catch the highlights on NESN's Sportsdesk. This is more a function of a persistent St. Bernard with a full bladder than my own innate work ethic, but regardless, I was awake. A quick aside about Sportsdesk- I've got no major problems with Hazel Mae, although the way that her face is plastered all over NESN, you've got to think she's seen someone naked and has an awfully good memory. What I'm wondering is why they gave Jayme Parker the hook? There were few nicer things early in a groggy morning than having good ol' Jayme telling you about some Bruins injury that you couldn't care less about. Hazel just doesn't do the job for me, I guess. Bring back Jayme!

So last night's game could have gone the other way for a little while, apparently. Manny Delcarmen almost coughed up the lead before bearing down and getting a couple of key strikeouts. You can't tell that much on one or two appearances, but I think that recent pitching does tell us something about these rookie bullpen guys. They've got great stuff- I'm thinking of sending a small bouquet of roses to Manny Delcarmen's curveball. The thing that I like about Delcarmen and Hanson is that they are increasingly "bend but not break" pitchers. They're both struggling with control and learning how to pitch in the majors, and they'll give up runs, but they've both got the fortitude and talent to make it happen when it's crucial. It makes me very happy to think that, assuming they stay healthy and not over-used, we may never again have to see Rudy Seanez in a situation where the game may be decided in the course of an inning.

Ok, but now to the point of my prayer. You can go ahead and accuse me of being an East Coast elitist. That's fair. I am an East Coast elitist. I only say that because I, along with my fellow New England illuminati, just happen to be better and more deserving of favored treatment than anyone else in the nation. But in this case, there may be some logic behind my idea. If you accept the idea that for most Red Sox road games (and probably Yankee road games as well), the stadium attendance is a pretty inelastic thing. Even during the week, you'll probably draw close to as many fans for an afternoon game in Oakland or Anaheim as you would for an evening game. I think that's the nature of fan support for both the west-coast teams and for the Sox out there. Second, I think that we could probably demonstrate that the Red Sox (again, and Yankees) TV viewership on NESN (and YES) is much higher than TV viewership of virtually any west coast team. Third, and this is the key one, the TV numbers for the Red Sox for a 10:00 p.m. start in Oakland have got to be much, much lower than those for a 7:00 start, or even an 8:00 start (when they're in Texas or Chicago, for example).

You see where I'm going, of course. Change the laws of nature for my convenience. All Sox games on the west coast shall now start no later than 5:00 p.m. local time. Those lazy left-coasters can hit the game after work and have their sushi in the stands of Safeco Field. We hard working Sox fans can actually watch the entire game before going to bed at a reasonable hour so we can get up with the dawn and work 14 hours in a textile mill. TV revenues will be up, local attendance will not suffer, everyone is happy. Except of course, for the A's, who get their butt handed to them, 13-5.

Someone is free to do the research on this and send it to the Red Sox, with a CC to Bud Selig. I don't need credit. I just need sleep.